Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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