Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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