Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
