do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
