It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
