Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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