This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
