you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
