My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
