i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
