I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
