jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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