Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
