There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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