You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
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