oh god the rape fog is back!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
