I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
