Can i not drive my cunt home
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
BRING THE BAGELS
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize