were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
