a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
