Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
