guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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