i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
