She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
