America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
