Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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