my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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