I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
