Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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