I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
