i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
