Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Randomize
