I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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