I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
