Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
