So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize