Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
