guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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