did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
