I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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