is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
