just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize