I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
