Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
