he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
