dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
