On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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