Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
