So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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