Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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