dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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