Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
