why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
