Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
there is puke in my bra ... again
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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