Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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