Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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