Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize