remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
