i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Even my vagina gasped.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
