You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
