dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
