So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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