I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
