After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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