his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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