she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
