i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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